Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
