So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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