I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel great
I just peed on a car
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
