This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
