listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
