Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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