Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
