so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
