billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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