we have pet lesbian snakes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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