what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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