i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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