Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
