There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
