Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize