Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
