I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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