Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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