you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
