my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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