You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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