Rock
Scissors
Fuck
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
