I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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