you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize