God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
there is puke in my bra ... again
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
