why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
