i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
