why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
