i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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