my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
