She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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