weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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