Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
