At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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