I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no, he came in my armpit
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
