she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
