and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
