I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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