my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize