No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
