I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize