According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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