I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
