Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
