it hurts more in the daytime
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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