I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
