I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
