I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
