those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my poor anus
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
