Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
