apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
