I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
