Sry I called you an 8
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
