Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
