We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
