So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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