well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize