she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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