i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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