so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
