Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
