ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
