Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
