That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
