I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
