Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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