Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize