I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just gift wrapped bread.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
